Stopping Divorce – Living Courageously

Recommended Items for Taking a Courageous Stand for Marriage:

What do divorce, adultery, drug abuse, and suicide have in common?

Cowardice. That probably sounds a little too harsh. Let’s call it “fear”. Fear of trying and failing anyway. Fear of frustration. Fear that one’s inabilities or incompetency will be exposed. Fear to face the difficulties of life. Lack of confidence in one’s ability to overcome and succeed.

Some say divorce, drug abuse, and suicide are very bad solutions to ordinary problems. Truth is, they are not solutions. They are escapes. Running away. Quitting. Wimping out. Throwing in the towel. Running off the battle field. Going AWOL. An escape from duty, from responsibility.

Nobody wants to be a failure, but nobody wants to be a quitter or a coward either.

So, now that we know what the problem is, how do we solve it?

If we want to live beyond cowardice we need to make a conscious decision to face our fears. One reason I mentioned the shirts above is that it is pretty hard to put on a shirt like those and make a public stand for faithfulness in marriage, and then go back on it.

Would you wear a shirt saying real men or women honor wedding vows?

It takes backbone. It puts a challenge in the face of those who are considering divorce for the wrong reason. It may challenge someone enough to save a marriage. Would you do it if you know it would save a marriage? Would you do it if it would save your marriage?

When we enter a marriage, we enter a battlefield for honor and integrity.

We put our names on the line. Our daily lives will declare and prove who we are whether we are true to our vows or whether we give promises only for selfish and insincere purposes. Our lives will demonstrate to God and ourselves and everyone around us what kind of people we are, whether we have backbone and sincerity of love or not.

We say, “I love you” to our spouses. We also say it to our parents, to our children, and to God. If we are unfaithful to our spouses, what does this say to our children about our love for them? Will we cheat on them, too? Will be be unfaithful to God? Oh, that question is already settled because it is impossible to be unfaithful to our spouses without also being unfaithful to God.

So, what message do people give others about themselves when they bully their loved ones with threats of unfaithfulness? With threats of breakup? With threats of divorce without legitimate cause?

How can a person threaten unfaithfulness without already being a cheater at heart?

Bullies who threaten divorce are cowards

Bullies

nag
beat
abuse
swindle
manipulate
trick

their way into getting the pleasure or relief from pain they want regardless of what other people have to suffer. When bullying doesn’t work, abuse is escalated.

Cruel speech
cursing, swearing
throwing things
screaming,
public embarrassment
slandering
threatening divorce
threatening affairs
flirting
one night stands

And if all that doesn’t work, the bully may take on a second or third lover for a strategic advantage allowing him or her to enjoy the benefits of partners competing for affection.

This is why it is so foolish to steal a spouse from someone else. A faithful spouse cannot be stolen. If you are ever successful in stealing someone else’s spouse, rest assured, you have received a real lemon.

Statistics say second marriages are much more likely to fail than first marriages. I see two strong reasons for that.

A cheater who cheats on one marriage will probably cheat on the next.
A person who becomes codependent in one failed marriage may be inclined to fall for another.

This is why it is important to become aware of problems with codependencies and overcome them before getting into a relationship leading to marriage. It is also a reason to protect yourself from becoming a victim or a perpetrator of this kind of narcissistic behavior as there are never any winners.

Dr. James Dobson wrote some excellent books called, “Love Must Be Tough”. Also two highly respected Christian psychologists wrote several books on “Boundaries”. Both can be found here:

NoDivorces Book Store.

Marriage does not have to end in divorce if both partners will choose to exercise courage and sincerity of love and stay the course as promised.